Fasten your seat belt and get ready to enjoy this this fast-
Wisecracking hacker Ralph Crocker finds himself in the middle of a bloody turf war
between a cyborg named Death, organ-
To survive, Ralph must brave dangerous shadow worlds and trust “Alice” (who may be
virtual rather than real flesh and blood). Joining forces with her, the two confront
a godlike one-
The two discover the future is being changed in ways impossible to imagine – and which may prove fatal to both Alice and Ralph.
Buy your copy of Lesser Gods today!
About the author:
Best-
With a witty narrative and skillful plotting, Lesser Gods travels around the planet and beyond, from streets haunted by automated prostitutes, to deadly tourist traps, to virtual worlds where anything can happen, often with deadly results.
“Duncan Long outdid himself with Lesser Gods. It’s a real trip, an adventure with a twisted humor that can make you chuckle out loud from time to time.”
“Lesser Gods is a wonderful mix of story, characters, and plotting in futuristic setting that can’t be beat.”
In the future, everyone really is out to get you...
Lesser Gods – with illustrations by the author:
The story of Lesser Gods spans centuries, from ancient Rome to the Vietnam War, from the present day to a dystopian future where artificial intelligence runs hairwire, robots become pscyhopathic (or fall in love), and it’s everyone for themselves on mean streets.
For a science fiction adventure you’ll not soon forget, buy your copy of Lesser Gods today!
When I was still human, I looked Death in the face, and struggled to control my bowels.
But I’m getting ahead of myself....
Some might argue that my story traces back to that initial cosmic explosion that formed the stars and dust of worlds. But I prefer to map out my tale from a point much nearer, a chain reaction started with the seemingly insignificant, like the banana peel on the sidewalk, that kills the unfortunate sod who makes one last pratfall, dying with the laughter of those around him echoing in his ears.
I cast my smoldering Marlborough into the darkness. It’s crimson tip arched like a fallen angel, crashing into a hundred sparks on the tarmac. I exhaled acrid smoke that burnt my throat, and eyed the glowing hint of a sunrise that promised to boil the humid dawn into another scorcher.
Despite a throbbing headache and an upset stomach from a roasted night of debauchery in Bangkok, I decided to report for duty, a choice that would eventually change things forever.
Now I stood waiting, one of a sweaty band of electricians stationed at the side of
the runway as the B-
Fifteen minutes.
Half an hour.
We didn’t complain. If we lucked out, we’d continue doing nothing. If we were less
fortunate, we’d be called on to repair any of the electronics that failed during
the pre-
And if any one of us was really, really unlucky, we might fly the mission with the
flight crew — bad news since only the aircrew had ejection seats; a technician received
vague instructions on how to exit a falling plane, and was issued a tired-
Lieutenant Norton ambled up behind us, his approach masked by the jet engines winding
up. “Huntington,” he yelled, announcing his presence and causing me to wince with
hung-
I swore under my breath. “You’ve got to be kidding.” The Stratofortress had fired up its engines, which meant I’d have to go along and fix the package in the air.
“Get moving, mister,” Norton yelled. “This isn’t a matter for negotiations.”
I glared at the lieutenant for a moment, considered punching him out, and then thought
better of it, yanking my muffs into place, augmenting the ear plugs I already wore
in a vain attempt to dampen the jets’ roar. Grabbing my tool kit from the pavement,
I headed for the designated aircraft, reflecting on the rumors that Hanoi’s SAMs
had brought down two B-
A minute later I scrambled through an open hatch, and four minutes after that, the bomber’s engines throttled to full power and the big steel bird shuddered down the tarmac and then soared into the air, starting its bombing run on the distant industrial complex to the north.
Lying in the claustrophobic space beneath the malfunctioning console, I felt my stomach
lurch as I rose within the eagle’s belly. I closed my eyes for a moment and took
a deep breath; the air, laden with dust, smelled of burnt plastic wiring. I opened
my eyes, grabbed a pair of needle-
Chapter 1
Now we come to the part where I stared Death in the eye and felt my life about to be swept, like a desiccated leaf before an autumn storm, without hope, into some cosmic storm sewer from which there could be no return. This downpour had been a long time in the making, like water falling from clouds heavily pregnant with rain.
That’s the poetic version. In reality, I fought to control my bowels and my bladder. Especially my bladder. Had I known I’d be facing Death, I definitely would have skipped my cup of SynthaCaff. I made a mental note to drink less tea in the future — should I somehow escape Death’s clutches yet one more time.
His henchmen had a milliwave scanner. Using it, they scanned and very efficiently
relieved me of my pistol along with my four knives. They’d missed the mini-
At the very least, I’d be guaranteed a broken leg and shrapnel wounds from the plastic body of the device.
Yet, I would have risked that if it might have extracted me from the awkward scene.
The catch was the six-
So now I figured it was better to do nothing and let him kill me coolly and quickly now, rather than have him do his worst for a protracted time because I’d angered him with another botched attempt at murder. I had heard the stories and never doubted them. Expiring quickly beats departing slowly and painfully any day — especially your last.
The possibility of setting off the claymore was academic anyway since I couldn’t reach the firing button in my spread eagle state, being stretched between Death’s two mesomorphs who each held one of my arms in muscled paws that threatened to dislocate my shoulders.
So instead of doing anything, I fought to control my bladder and waited, with the two henchmen savoring my fear, like pigs chewing on a chicken. The mechanical clock on the wall tick tocked long seconds in a room smelling of sweat and blood.
And, I reflected, soon of urine.
Death stared at me across the smoke-
“Yes,” I managed.
“Didn’t take long to put the pieces back together.”
“Please, just get it over I pleaded. Tired of waiting to die, I wanted to at least shuffle off this mortal coil with clean underwear.
Death threw back his head and shrieked — his way of laughing. “You think we brought you here to...” He sputtered as he uncoiled himself from his chair and rose to his feet, stooping so his dented skull didn’t scrape the ceiling. “Actually I have a little job for you.” The hand that ended in human digits instead of a claw snaked into his chest compartment and retrieved a plastic vial. “Here.”
The meso on my left let go of my arm so I could receive the tiny container. I recognized the opalescent liquid inside without checking the label. “I don’t do jet any more.”
Death’s eyes burned like angry coals in the dim light. “You’re not going to wear out my patience are you?”
“No!” I answered quickly, knowing his patience was in short supply. I wrapped my hand around the vial and lowered my arm.
“I’ve seen your records,” Death said. “You have three jet-
“Used to use is the key point here. I quit. I’ve seen what happens when a guy crashes and splatters his brains over a console.”
“Let’s just say this is non-
He was right: I was up the creek without a paddle, over a barrel, with my pants down, and ready to fold.
“Please continue,” I said in as low a falsetto voice as a man can manage with testicles attempting to hide inside his pelvis.
Death withdrew the blade and then paced the narrow room for moments that seemed like eternity, his clawed hand snapping open and shut with the quiet efficiency of slaughterhouse hammers. Finally he growled. “There’s this guy who’s lost himself — very thoroughly, especially after the EMP attack on the Central that erased the master banks last week. But he probably left tracks in the subnet, which is where you come in.”
“Don’t tell me you want me to jet net.”
“Precisely what I have in mind. For a hacker like you who’s been, shall we say, pharmaceutically challenged in the past, that ought to be a grav dive with eyes closed.”
“If I’m going to risk frying my mind it would be nice to be reimbursed —”
Death roared, causing the teeth in the skull collection behind him to rattle. “You think you have room to bargain here?” he hissed.
“I thought, maybe... You know.”
“You ought to be glad I’m not going to kill you outright after what you did to me.”
I conceded that, having left him short a couple of arms after he stumbled into a booby trap I’d left behind.
Death leaned toward me, so close his antenna brushed my face, tickling my sweat-
“Just find his hard address?” I asked. “You don’t want me to make the pick up or anything?”
“Correct. My guys’ll make the pickup when you find his hard address. You find it before anyone else does, and I’ll delete your criminal records from the PD machine and throw in a couple of K’s to boot. How’s that sound?”
“Very generous. But perhaps a bonus if —”
“As a bonus, I won’t kill you.”
“Very, very generous.”
“Here’s a DF.” He produced a ROM dot from his chest and handed the storage device to me. “Everything we have on him. He left records behind when he went into hiding.”
I took the tiny storage device and carefully placed it into the PA on my wrist. “Is this guy dangerous?”
“Not hardly,” Death replied. “Antique. Remember the Supreme ruling last month? The one that said all vets had to be compensated for the past sins of the UN and its member states?”
“A hundred thousand per year, each year they continue to live,” I replied. I was up to speed on this because I’d been trying to figure out some way to hack into the data bank so I could add my name to the list of those who’d be receiving the cash. Sadly, my labors never came to fruition.
“That ruling was their death warrant,” Death continued. “The Powers decided to cut their losses to a hundred thou per vet.”
I thought a moment and then knew: “By killing them off this year.”
“Right,” Death said with a hissing chuckle. “The actuary tables will be skewed for
years to come with all the unusual accidents, unexpected heart attacks, and exotic
endings to come the next few months. But it won’t be so easy with this guy. He’s
no schmuck. When the law passed, he didn’t wait for a goodbye knock-
“Hate to mention this,” I said in the most contrite voice I could muster, “But I’m short of cash.”
“He was trying to hit an ATM when we scooped him,” one of the mesos guarding me offered.
I nodded. “If I’m to access the sub-
Death vented air, sounding like a wire brush peeling flesh from muscle, eyes flaming crimson before cooling while everyone in the room held their collective breaths. Then he fished through a pile of papers on his desk, produced a smart card, and hurled it at me. “Here’s an anonymous five hundred. That’s your advance.”
I was quiet for a moment, surprised at Death’s unexpected generosity since normally he held a debit card so tightly it moaned in pain.
“Is there anything else?” he demanded.
The room was ominously silent, the clock ticking off five seconds.
And then I ventured, “Do you have a bathroom?”
High over Hanoi, I swore under my breath as I double-
My musings were interrupted by the navigator yelling at me over the engine noise
of the B-
“Can’t work in a chute,” I replied. Hell, I could barely work inside the heavy flight jacket dictated by the frigid air pouring through the bomb bay doors where the last of the bombs shuttled through the opening, raining death far below. For just a moment, it registered on me that I’d been blissfully unaware of the lives that most likely were coming to violent ends on the ground far below. We flew above the murder and mayhem, death I was taking part in, high in the sky where everything seemed serene and sterile. The chaos we’d just dumped onto those faceless enemies below remained both distant and abstract.
I shook the thought and concentrated on the circuit board I labored over.
“Grab your chute!” the navigator yelled again, this time tugging at my shoulder. “Get your chute on. Now!”
What’s with this guy? I wondered, glancing up in time to see the navigator pull his helmet’s blast shield down over his face and jerk his shoulder harness tight.
With a shock of electrified clearness, I realized the crewman was readying to eject.
That made an impression.
I dropped my tools and grabbed my chute, just as the rear of the plane ripped apart
with a concussion that sent shrapnel slicing through the interior of the plane. Jagged
holes appeared as if by magic in the skin of the jet. Sunlight peppered the dark
interior as air whistled through the countless new openings. The B-
Blinded by the blood pouring into my left eye, I turned toward the navigator and then looked away from the headless corpse that sat in the chair, arms hanging limply to the sides.
The plane staggered once more with a wrench of metal and the floor below my feet canted as the tail ripped away. Wind streamed through the cabin and threatened to sweep me through the gaping hole that had appeared behind me.
Fighting to maintain my balance, I forced my arms through the parachute straps and latched its main harness around my chest. Then I pulled myself toward the bomb bay that was now at an impossible angle inside the falling plane.
I paused for only a moment at the breach, gazing morbidly at the earth spiraling upward toward me. Closing my good eye, I half leaped, half kicked away from the plane, my scream lost in the banshee cry of the wind.
My trip home proved somewhat less than comfy. I’d hoped Death’s merry men would give me a lift back since they’d snatched me practically on my front stoop in the first place.
No such luck.
They had picked me up just around the corner from my apartment where a Ja-
“Whatcha doin’, Ralphy?” one of Death’s three goons crooned, placing my arm in his
vise-
“Just trying to withdraw some bucks, man,” I replied, trying not to wince at the
bone-
“Lucky we ain’t cops,” Death’s henchman on my right said as the three of them hustled me toward their limo, my feet no longer touching the pavement. “ATM surfing is a felony, and DNA spoofing is a capital offense. You’d be in big trouble if —”
He stopped in mid-
Death’s two remaining henchmen yanked me higher into the air and dashed madly for the safety of the car. Once there, they tossed me through the open door into the vehicle and then dived behind me without a backward glance. A second bullet glanced off the armor plate of the vehicle, skinning the advertisement grid to send a shower of sparks dancing across the hood as we sped away, heading straight to Death’s lair for our meeting.
Now that the meeting with Death was consummated, I was headed home.
Only Death’s two henchman found themselves in a bind. He had ordered them to get me home, but their cowardice proved stronger than valor, and so they pooled their meager servings of gray cells with an eye toward devising a plan that would keep them out of sniper crosshairs while still obeying the spirit of his command.
“We go back there,” one grossed, “we might as well have targets painted on our backs.”
With the sweat of fear oozing from their pores like a goat on a spit, they discussed other possible options, first reasoning that since the police didn’t bother to replace CS boxes anymore, the chance the area would ever be safe from sniper fire any time soon was slim to none. “Waiting’s not an option.”
And even though their vehicle had armor plating, “Depleted uranium, anti-
“I don’t think that’s the best idea,” I protested as one returned my weapons and then the two lifted my squirming frame and unceremoniously dumped me into the mailer. If they hadn’t pulled the subphone from my ear, I might have called for help. But they had and so I did not.
“Guys!” I yelled as they sealed the plastic top over me, trapping me in the dark. “Let me out!”
I beat on the package as they addressed it. My only ray of hope was that they would express mail me; then I’d only be trapped for hours rather than days or months normally needed for a package to arrive at its destination. I might survive a few hours, but it was going to be close at best.
I was dropped off at the automated postal system. Then mechanical paws upsided the box several times, despite its “this side up” notice. Fortunately I was finally stacked so I was lying on my back. Standing on my head all the way home would not have been all that fun.
Within minutes, I entered that mysterious conveyer belt that is the mechanized postal system; I bounced around inside the package until I became totally disoriented. By the time I’d recovered from that amusement ride, crates were stacked over and around me, their weight pressing in on my container from all sides, its plastic shell groaning ominously. I fought back feelings of claustrophobia in my plastic womb that threatened tomb, trying to conserve my air and praying my delivery would fail to be stillborn.
I’m uncertain whether I napped or the rarefied air in my container made me prone to delirium. But somewhere during my gestation within the bowels of the post office, I found myself in an ethereal Houdini mode, escaping from the box through a purple doorway, struggling to regain my balance as I breathed the intoxicating aroma from the riot of flowers that surrounded me.
I blinked in the sherbet sunlight, seeking some signal of civilization. Have I been borne to some far away and exotic locale?
Or was this a near-
Or maybe a death-
“Crap!”
Squinting upward, I realized an impossibly massive dome encompassed the sky, covering
the distant mountain with an iridescent curve of ever-
“I’m either dead,” I muttered. “Or seriously hallucinating,”
“Hallucinating?” a British-
I searched for the speaker, and saw only a meter tall, rabbit-
I eyed it, now certain I was delusional. “What are you supposed to be?”
Shiny black eyes scrutinized me a moment. “I’m an entertainer, of course,” it said
very matter-
I gazed into a furry poker face that a card shark would have been proud of. “Not right now.”
“A little juggling then.”
Before I could protest, the entertainer produced five red balls from a pouch hidden in its fur and tossed the spheres upward where they moved almost in slow motion, weaving intricate patterns as the creature caught and tossed them.
“Where are you from?” I asked.
The balls broke pattern, so two flew high while the others went through their own formation between its paws. “I hearken from the genetic factories on Lunar VI.” The creature gracefully dropped onto its back to employ hind legs to juggle three green balls it added to the five red ones already in the air.
“Never heard of Lunar VI.”
“An amateur comedian, sir?” it chuckled. “You humans are always joking.” The balls
changed directions and went into a high figure-
“No, not today.” I glanced downward, calmly noting my feet had vanished.
“It appears you are leaving.”
“Little by little,” I agreed. Soon my legs and lower abdomen were gone. Then my hands. “Thank you for the show, it was very good,” I said, taking advantage of my ability to talk before my jaw followed my chest into oblivion.
“My pleasure,” the animal said, scooping up the balls and dropping them back into its pouch. It rose to hind legs, “Would you like to see another trick?”
“Sorry to be rude, but I really must be going before I’m all gone.”
“Joking to the end.” The Entertainer bowed, a mournful look on its face. “Farewell.” As I vanished, he started a soft shoe routine while humming, I Ain’t Got Nobody.
I awoke in the cramped shipping box, giddy but thankful to be more than a Cheshire cat’s grin. I’d apparently been jostled back to consciousness as the package containing me was loaded into a deliv bot. I wished I could stretch; the air was dense and I had a foul taste in my mouth.
The last leg of my journey proved eventful. As is often the case with automated drivers, we hit two pedestrians and scraped a small vehicle of some sort (as near as I could tell from the crunching and screams I heard as I traveled inside the box). Finally I felt myself lifted from the back of the bot and dumped onto the pavement somewhere in the general vicinity of my apartment building, I hoped that approximations of addresses would prove sufficiently accurate for the government express mailing system. If I were really lucky, I’d be in front of my apartment building.
As the autodriver sped away, the armored exterior of the package started its slow
nano-
I felt disoriented at the sight of the decrepit storefronts and piles of stinking trash that surrounded me. With a sinking feeling I realized that I definitely was not in front of my apartment. I wasn’t even in my neighborhood. The gang tags were a mystery. I recognized nothing.
Turning toward the box I’d escaped from, I checked the address scrawled on the package,
deciphering the thug’s kindergarten script. Death didn’t hire men known for their
address-
And so the problem.
The hired muscle had screwed up, just as I had worried they might. Even though it
was technically only a small mistake, it was an all-
Only not today. Feeling like the Titanic going down for the third time, I realized I’d been dumped halfway across town, on 3038 Fremont Street, rather than at my own address of 3038 Fremont Drive.
Which put me right in the middle of what? I tried to think... Demon Twenty-
I was in deep, deep whatchamacallit, right in the middle of Demon country.
I glanced around nervously. The stench of rotting garbage draped the air like a shroud does a ripening corpse. But, except for piles of trash and junk here and there, the streets seemed oddly deserted.
Or so I thought.
Because what I had mistaken for a pile of junk received the spark of life, becoming animated to stand with a clatter not unlike what might be produced by a collection of tin cans dropped down a garbage chute. A tubular arm with a human hand on its end pointed a bony finger toward me. “We claim yer bod,” announced a voice like a poltergeist wailing through the thin wall of a whorehouse.
I snatched my pistol from its concealed holster in my armor, covering the pile of metal and plastic rubbish that rolled in my direction. “Stay back,” I warned, finger tightening on the trigger. “You can’t claim me. I’m free body.”
“Yer box is on our turf,” the junk creature facing me said, exposing a toothless mouth that was nearly hidden by the plastic bottle encasing its head. “Anything delivered here belongs to us. You were in our box.”
“Only I’m not in that box now.”
“You were. And now you’re on our street. Either way that means your ass and ass-
It was obvious from his lack of original parts and by his claim on my body that I was facing a “Harvey,” a harvester of human organs. I had no desire to donate my body to anyone, let alone to a walking refuse dump, nor see my parts sold to some rich guy wanting an eternal job. I’d — quite literally — become attached to my sundry organs and wasn’t interested in telling even one of them “so long” just yet.
“Back off,” I said, pointing the muzzle of my automatic at the Harvey’s head since
I knew that was one place that a flesh-
“You’re ours,” a third Harvey rasped, materializing from a pile of junk beside the curb. It straightened itself up, a human arm and face appearing in the middle of the rubble of makeshift appendages. “Don’t make yourself damaged goods, man. We won’t make you suffer. Surrender and we’ll do you quick.”
There was another squeak of metal in need of oil to my left. I whirled toward the harvester that I sensed must be nearly on top of me. I swallowed hard when I discovered it was not one, but five more Harvey’s, all with fewer human parts than the two I’d been facing.
With a sinking feeling in the pit of my soon-
“Back off,” I warned. “I’ve got armor-
The nearest of the four pointed a stainless steel finger at me. A wicked blade exuded from its tip as he warned in a metallic voice. “We do easy or we do hard. “
“Your choice,” another grated.
With faintly whirring servomotors, they spread out around me with practiced precision, blocking all possible escape. The guys were experienced and it was only a matter of time before one of them nailed me.
I knew I’d have to act quickly to escape this jam.
So I aimed my gun at the nearest one’s cranium and pulled the trigger.
The hammer fell on an empty chamber with a resounding click.
For a long moment, everyone froze. Sweat broke out all over my skin despite the cold. I manually recycled my pistol, aimed, and pulled the trigger.
Another click, this time inspiring rusty laughter that rattled through the animated collection of rubbish around me, and chilling my heart like a grasshopper frozen by an early autumn ice storm.
I checked the indicator on my weapon. Empty. Death’s mesos must have emptied my gun before returning it to me, leaving me with the false sense of security only a useless weapon can inspire. I patted my ammo pouches. Empty as well. I silently cursed Death’s thugs for leaving me defenseless.
The Harvies needed no further invitation. They charged, metal claws snatching at me and glancing off my armor as I back peddled toward the individual that I hoped was the weakest link in the steel and plastic ring of cyborgs encircling me.
He proved as steady as a concrete wall encased in brick.
My teeth jarred as I bounced off him.
I beat away a blade aimed at my left eye, dodged, and weaved, and cursed, stumbling into one of the Harvies just as he twisted and became off balance, somehow bowling him over in the process. I then half fell, half leaped over his junkyard body and for a moment found myself free of my attackers.
A junkyard on wheels scooted to block my escape, his body oscillating back and forth as he attempted to anticipate which way I would duck.
Terror inspired my adrenaline-
Three giant steps sped me toward the curb. I knew their wheeled feet would have trouble stepping up onto the sidewalk without pausing to shift wheelbases. I hoped that would buy a few precious moments to get ahead of the pack that pursued me like hounds after a rabbit.
As I leaped onto the sidewalk, I holstered my pistol and executed a long-
Behind me, the Harvies, servos groaning, climbed the curb. Having apparently skipped their last lube job during maintenance cycles, they squeaked forward in hot pursuit. Once on the straightaway, they made up for the lost time climbing the curb, the wheels that replaced their legs speeding down the concrete just a terrifyingly short distance behind me.
Our raucous parade of the defenseless and the dented sailed down the street, navigating plastic garbage cans and sending trash careening in our wakes wakes like garbage barges on methamphetamine. For thirty seconds I pumped and pushed, traveling faster than I ever had before.
I reached a relatively uncluttered stretch of sidewalk and chanced glancing backward over my shoulder, half hoping the Harvies would have given up the chase.
They hadn’t.
I had attained a faster speed than they could, gradually putting distance between us. But I knew, just as they did, that it was only a matter of time before flesh and bone would grow tired and my lead would dwindle.
Then motorized wheels would grind forward relentlessly, maintaining a constant speed that would eventually nibble away the distance between us until they were chewing on my tail.
And I couldn’t sustain my speed much longer.
Already my lungs felt like they were going to explode and my heart danced heavily in my chest. And a cramp threatened to immobilize my left calf.
I’m dead meat on wheels.
It was only my fifth mission, but I enjoyed my job — after all, it was one of the few where you were paid to take drugs.
Legally.
And with a nice health plan to boot.
I worked for Untied Interplanetary Mining. UIM hired us to run remotes. The operation was expensive, but still cheaper than putting men out past Mars to harvest the asteroids of all sorts of rare metals and compounds that were hard to impossible to manufacture here on Earth.
The heart of the operation used a system based on quantum entanglement. Fortunately I, and the other operators, didn’t have to understand how it worked. All I knew was that when I moved here on Earth, my robotic counterpart a bazillion miles away (give or take) in space moved instantly as well, without the hours of delay it would take a radio wave to travel the distance through space to get to it.
The catch was that the system demanded those of us operating through the system to our distant robotic selves be under with Jet.
Thus our near addiction to the drug.
But there was little danger, we were on for an eight-
I’d discovered that Jet transformed the experience of running our automatons into something that was almost like being where they were. One minute I was closing my eyes here on Earth, the next opening them in a mining ship deep in the asteroid belt. I’d only done four missions, but found the experience almost as addicting as the Jet we needed to enhance our work.
Today was a little different. Some big wig was coming in to talk to us.
My buddy Sam had been showing me the ropes, taking me under his wing from my first mission on. He’d been working with the company for four years and was the oldest on the crew, outranked only by our grumpy foreman Gus Franklin.
“Meeting with the big wig,” Sam said as we walked down the hall to the conference room. “Big yawn.”
“More like,” I said, then jammed my fingers down my throat and mimicked a gag.
Sam laughed. “Yeah, Louis, more like that.”
A few minutes later we were seated at a fake oak table and the suit droned on and on about the new and improved Jet we were going to use, how safe it was, and, oh, yes, be sure to sign your waivers before you leave.
Right.
“New and improved” generally only meant “new” and — if you were lucky — not degraded or outright dangerous. Probably some scheme from a corporate bean counter to save a little cash.
“Hopefully the crap doesn’t cause our heads to explode like junkies,” Sam quipped as he signed the waiver.
The suit glared at us as I nodded grimly, following Sam’s lead, feeling like I had just signed a pact with a corporate manager with cloven hoofs. But as was always the case when selling one's soul, the pay was good. So we all went along with it and signed on the dotted line.
Bodyguards become unemployed when their charges expire. Had I not glanced to my left, my job would have ended quite abruptly. As it was, I did turn to my left, studiously ignoring Emperor Napoleon VI as the monarch directed the crowds’ attention toward the newly constructed hypergenerator.
With nearly all eyes in the pitch-
“I’m here today with great pleasure,” Napoleon VI said, his amplified voice thundering through the hall.
“Bogie on the stage,” I whispered, my warning carried to my men over the transponder
embedded in my jaw. “Move in — now!” Reflexively, I shoved through the crowd, placing
myself between the assassin and my emperor, knocking Napoleon VI to the floor in
the process, interrupting the speech in mid-
Seeing me blocking his way, the assassin took a step back to size me up, dropping into a crouch and grasping the blade to his side in a style that marked him as a highly trained killer. Those standing around us drew back; a woman screamed at the sight of the blade.
I swallowed, wishing the Emperor had kept his praetorian guards around him instead of ordering them to remain at the sides of the stage where they were now helpless to do anything quickly enough to stop the attack. They were pushing through the crowd, but not making great headway, and it would be too late by the time they got here for them to offer me any help.
“Commander, it’s going to be a few seconds before we can get to you,” the voice of my nearest assistant whispered over the radio.
I made no reply; I knew I was on my own for the next few critical seconds.
A lot can happen in a few seconds, especially when your opponent has a wicked looking dagger in his hand.
I blocked everything out, focusing on my opponent. The crowd was too dense for me to risk drawing my pistol; a stray shot would be disastrous. That meant I’d have to disarm the assassin with my bare hands, or at least slow him down enough so the guards and my men could be on top of him.
Suddenly his blade darted toward my chest.
I sidestepped, my hands reflexively grasping for the killer’s knife hand. For a moment
I almost succeeded in restraining my adversary, but then the assassin changed the
direction of his thrust, circling around for a jab at my chest. There was a momentary
thump of the point of the weapon against my breast, and then the attacker broke away,
circling for a follow-
I circled, keeping myself between the assassin and the emperor. Now that he knows about my ballistic vest, he’ll try for my groin or face. I instinctively raised my right hand to my throat and lowered my left in front of him, keeping my feet spread so I could move quickly without loosing my balance.
The assassin lunged forward, arm extended as far as it would reach. I swung to the
side, the blade slashing past my neck, missing fatal contact by just an inch. I grasped
the assassin’s wrist before he delivered a follow-
“Got you,” I whispered, throwing my weight to the side before the assassin could twist his hand free for another thrust. I swung my opponent’s wrist to the side, jerking back hard as my foe’s arm crossed my chest. My action was rewarded with the dull snap of the killer’s elbow.
His arm suddenly useless, the assassin exploited an ancient Judo move, throwing himself backward, using my strength against me. The two of us tumbled toward the floor; the crowd surrounding us scrambling to avoid the deadly blade skidding across the stage.
As we hit the floor, I leveraged our momentum to roll once, landing on top of the assassin, pinning his face to the floor while restraining the man’s good arm. I pulled back my fist to deliver a blow that would knock the man unconscious and then felt him convulsing in my grasp.
Too late. The killer’s flushed cheek and the convulsions rippling through his body betrayed the first stages of cyanide poisoning.
I released the killer, swearing under my breath as I rose to my feet. “This one’s taken the dose,” I whispered to those on the security band.
“Loupé?” my assistant asked over the radio.
“Looks like it. Probably ingested the poison just before mounting his attack.” I pulled my gaze from the killer whose death spasms racked his frame. “Everyone stay alert. There’re probably more.” There always were; the Loupé operated in packs.
My eyes darted around the stage, the electronic circuits tied into my brain scanning faces for a match with known terrorists.
There! I warned myself as a positive ID flashed inside my brain, causing a red outline
to superimpose itself over the image of a man half hidden in the crowd at the front
of the stage. I caught the man’s eyes just before the would-
“Another bogy traveling down the center aisle in front of the stage,” I said into
my radio, pushing a spider-
I mentally switched the frequency of my radio to the band the guards at the south entrance used. “Stop the man in the green velvet suit — he’s headed your way. Use your swords.” I ordered.
I hoped the guards would have the good sense not to shoot; with as many people as
there were on the stage and throughout the packed auditorium, a single stray shot
would cause a disaster. It was good the emperor insisted on arming the noblesse d’épée
both with pulse rifles as well as out-
I leaped from the stage and for a moment the lone Loupé was lost from my view. I ran toward the south entrance and spied him again; the guards had managed to cut off his retreat from the room. The assassin paced between them and me like a caged animal. Then he stopped, took two steps toward me, and froze.
The guards spread out, ceremonial swords in hand, half encircling the criminal while taking care to stay out of reach of the dagger pulled from his vest. Seeing he was trapped, the assassin’s eyes locked with mine as I approached.
He stood at attention and saluted me with his dagger and for a moment I though he might surrender. But instead, with a grim smile, he plunged the blade into his throat, tumbling to the floor where he writhed for a few moments as a pool of blood quickly formed around him.
“Back to your posts,” I ordered the guards who ringed the fallen assassin. “There may be more assassins in the crowd.”
The guards retreated to take up their positions at the exits of the hallway. I searched
the crowd for another would-
“Negative, commander,” one of my men said over the radio link. “We can’t see any more from the catwalk. Shall we seal off the hall?”
“No,” I answered. “But re-
“Should we search the crowd for weapons?” the voice of one of my new men asked over the radio.
I suppressed a smile at the thought of strip-
I headed back down the aisle toward the stage. “Mike?”
“Yes, commander.”
“Get a clean-
“The crew’s already on their way, commander. I’ll tell them to be discreet.”
I climbed back onto the stage and crossed to the emperor. The guards parted so I could reach the monarch. “Sorry I had to shove you aside, Excellency.”
The old man smiled. “A fall is better than a blade through the ribs any day. The weapon was poisoned?”
I nodded. “One pin prick and... au revoir. “
“Suicide killer, from the look of it.”
I nodded again. “I hope you weren’t injured, your majesty. Perhaps we should have a doctor —”
“Nonsense,” the Emperor said. “I’m fine.” He leaned forward and whispered, “We owe you and your men a great debt of gratitude for what you did today, commander. I will speak with you later.” Then the ruler tapped his microphone on his lapel, turning it back on and spoke calmly as he shooed his praetorian guards to the side. “Mesdames et Messieurs. If I may have your attention, please.”
The crowd on the floor quieted as Napoleon VI returned to the front of the stage. “Well,” the emperor said, gazing over the now silent throng in front of him. He paused for a moment, his eyes flashing in the spotlight that focused on him. “Now that the formalities are out of the way, we can continue.”
The crowd burst into laughter, and then applauded wildly.
The emperor held up his hand to quiet them. “We can’t let an ill-
“No!” the crowd shouted.
I smiled to myself. The Emperor still knows how to turn a major debacle into a political plus.
***
My Emperor had rewarded me with a week’s vacation at his lunar getaway. I’m paid well, but not well enough to ever go to the Moon — except through the generosity of the state. This was my fifth such vacation, and I never tired of it.
I made the long, and thankfully uneventful, trip from Earth in just two hours and
25 minutes on a French-
I squinted at the distant horizon. The gray mountains jutted upward at steep angles, their surfaces almost dazzling in the raw sunlight, contrasting sharply to the bleak, colorless black of space. For a moment I realized how alien the place was, something I almost took for granted. “Funny how quickly the abnormal becomes the norm,” I mused.
“Pardon, Commander?” Durant asked, his voice crackling over the radio.
“The Moon,” I replied. “Its landscape seems almost — commonplace.”
“Only because you’ve spent some time away from Earth. It warps your esthetic tastes.”
I chuckled. “Perhaps so, my friend. Peut-
The Emperor maintained a less-
“Just three hours from now,” Durant said, breaking into my train of thought, “and I’ll have made my return trip to Terra firma. I’ll be breathing air that smells like damp earth and grass instead of urine and sweat.”
I laughed as I hopped over a boulder that blocked my path, waiting to speak until
I regained my footing on the powdery surface. “Yeah, but I bet you’ll miss the joys
of pseudo-
“Pseudo-
I thought it over a moment and made no reply.
***
Ten minutes later, I opened the hatch to the Emperor’s apartment and stepped in, half bouncing in the light gravity that I was still unaccustomed to. I laid my helmet in its rack by the door and then carefully removed my suit and boots and stored them before entering the bedroom to strip off my uniform. Finally I arrived at my goal: The misting stall for a quick shower.
Or what passes as a shower here on the Moon, I thought. Bathing with as much hot water as I wished was a luxury I only enjoyed when on Earth, and even there only in the Emperor’s palace. Here I turned on the water mist, my thoughts returning to exactly what it was that seemed so pleasant about the Moon. It’s quietness? Barrenness? Questions for the psyche examiners, I decided.
After moistening my skin, I quickly turned off the water so I’d have enough of my
daily allotment left to rinse off the suds once I lathered up with the bio-
“Sixteen advertisements and one voice email.”
I shook my head. Why any business would insist on sending advertising to me I didn’t
know. A pure waste of electrons and my time. I hadn’t ordered anything from the e-
“Message recorded 13:23 10-
“Delete message,” I interrupted. I bounced into the kitchen and poured myself a drink. Dorothy just didn’t know when to give up.
About the Author
Duncan Long is a writer/illustrator who has authored 13 novels including Anti-
In addition to illustrating many of his own books, Long has created cover and interior illustrations for HarperCollins, PS Publishing (UK), Byron Preiss/ibooks, Pocket Books, Fort Ross, American Media, Ballistic Media, Mermaid Books, Swimming Kangaroo Books, and others. His artwork also appears in national magazines (including the Sun and Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine).
Copyright © by Duncan Long. All rights reserved.